nobody likes changes

you're set in your ways and don't want to change how you do things that you've done the same way every since you can remember. there shouldn't be a right and a wrong way, but sometimes that's how it feels... as though i can't do anything right or i fall short. i feel like i'm being criticized or lectured at sometimes.

i pretend i don't care what you think... or at least i do things and brace myself for the harsh comments that will come with your disapproving looks.

and then it's my turn to feel defeated and to give up a little.

2009... really?

time... where art thou going? why hasn't thou taken me with you?

i don't like change and quite frankly, the feeling might be mutual. right now, i'm substitute teaching in different public school districts and it's been a change. not that i don't like it, but i've sort of been thrown into the whole thing, which i guess is a good way (especially for me) to begin things. it's been a little bit stressful too because i'm so used to being prepared and having some idea what will be happening that day, what i'll be teaching, but with substitute teaching that isn't the story. i get maybe 30 minutes to look over what will be supposedly take place that day. but i'm sure i'll get the hang of it once i've been doing it long enough. it has been an adjustment though.

i'm slowly beginning to realize what God's mercy and grace is all about. He's shown me that my past doesn't compare to what i have now. i'm learning so much about my own resiliency and to be thankful for what i'm blessed with. i need to stop worrying about petty stuff and to stop overthinking because i know it'll eventually drive me crazy.

forever is kinda scary...



lately i've been thinking,
lately i've been dreaming of you...

my old ghosts still haunt me.

those summer nights...

what a summer...

i visited another world about a couple of months ago. i miss and long for the simplicity of life i experienced while i was there. the people and children are so beautiful, so full of grace... something the us of a lacks in its everyday life. i think we'd be so much happier if we weren't so preoccupied with getting ahead and wealth. people is what life is all about, not material possessions.

i'd forgotten the earth's natural beauty and just how wonderful and breath-taking it can be. the sunsets in one part of the world just can't compare with views in other parts of the world. you would think a sunrise/sunset is a sunrise/sunset, but no, it's a thing of undescribable beauty. i let it get old. i took it for granted. never again.

something about the water soothes me. somehow everything i worried about gets swiftly carried away with the ebbing and flowing of the tide. being near the ocean calms me; an overwhelming sense of halcyon takes over. looking over the vast horizon reminds me that the unknown is just over the edge, past where the sky and water touch. the future holds its own wonderful mysteries.

we're strangers on this earth, not of its worldly treasures. it's exciting to know that there awaits something unthinkably glorious on the other side of heaven. there are times when glimpses of its beauty are revealed.

in other news, i'm in the process of looking for a teaching job. no such luck. i think i'll be stuck subbing or working as a tutor or maybe even nannying. i know He has something lined up for me. i just need to search it out.

things are changing. for the good, maybe?

goodness, the time has gone by so fast... it's already been 2.5 months since i've received this wonderful gift... definitely heavensent. Your timing is always perfect. i pray for the both of us as we walk hand in hand on this journey to a lifelong friendship in You. it's all in Your hands after all...